Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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