Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
