im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
