You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
