How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
