My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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