I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
