The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
