PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
