nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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