just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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