Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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