Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
