at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
