I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
