I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
