yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
