I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
