john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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