he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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