hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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