you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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