That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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