pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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