I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
