Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
