P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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