we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
