Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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