I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
