I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
