I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This baby is an asshole
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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