how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
