he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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