I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
