imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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