I want to walk on stilts...naked
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Congratulations! We have a period
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
