I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need a beard to bite.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
