we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
