Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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