Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
