Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
