i think my tv is drunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize