Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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