I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
