found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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