I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
