is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
