She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I smell stomach acid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
