I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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