Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
