i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
