drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
