I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize