Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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