I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
