How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
