Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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