Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize